What is addiction? When is to much to much? How can one fully understand if they have an addiction? How does one stop an addiction, and if they succeed, are they still addicted? These are just a few of the many questions those who suffer from addictions ask. To be honest, we do not have the answers as of yet, however there is one component of addiction that is known; addiction negatively impacts one’s life.
Instead of going into text book definitions of addiction, I will give a personal example of the trappings of addiction. I, you see, am addicted to internet based games. I have been addicted for twelve years, and am still an addict. Many may not understand how one can be addicted to an online game, as the events are just a game, and not within the realm of real life. However, as I can personally confirm, the addiction is just as serious as alcohol or drugs. No, I will make a bold statement, it is more addictive, at least to me. For you see, the computer is everywhere, and is required for most jobs or school. One cannot just unplug and walk away, especially if one’s job is in psychology or computers. All I need to be addicted is a specific online game and an Internet connection.
My story begins my senior year in high school. It was 1997, and I just got exposed to the Internet. I started to look into online games as a source of entertainment. I found one game that particularity appealed to me, Dragonrealms. Dragonrealms is an online text game set in a fantasy realm. In this realm, one is free to do almost anything they wish. Dragonrealms was unique in the fact you were free to do as you wished. If you wanted to go kill helpless people, you can, just prepare to be hunted. If you wanted to get married, then get married. If you wanted to save others from evil, you can. In other words, you can be the person you wish to be without limits. This, was my addiction, as I could be the person I could not be in real life.
In the game, I was a very powerful person, and held much influence. I helped those in need, gave people money, and even protected people from those who wish to harm others. I lead armies in battle, saved cities from destruction, and even had my own set of real life people who would follow me around, begging for apprenticeship. In a way, I was like a God, and was almost worshiped as one. I loved this, as it was the complete opposite of my real life. My real life consisted of going to school, having few real world friends, and being alone to sit in my room playing my real life, the game. For you see, the game became my real life. My body in the real world only existed so that I may access the game world. I, was an addict.
When one is addicted to something, it controls their life. They often spend every waking moment thinking or acting on the addiction. When I was not playing the game, I thought of it. I made plans, thought of strategics, and worked on how to advance myself in the game world, all in my mind. Instead of paying attention to my real life, the game became my real life. My purpose was for the game, and nothing else mattered.
One day, this changed, as I looked into the mirror and decided enough was enough. I decided to give my account to a friend and left the game. My character was worth around $4000-$8000 of real life money, however I gave it all away to run from my addiction. I found myself free to so as I wanted in the real world, and was no longer a slave to my addiction. I was very lucky, as I came to this conclusion myself. I focused on my grades, learned how to build websites, and started to engage in real life.
Many people state that once someone has an addiction, they always have the addiction. To me, this is not 100% true, as addictions usually exist to cover up another problem. My problem was my self image, as I felt I was a pathetic and useless human being. I hated my real life, hated myself, and escaped. These feelings of self loathing and contempt still exist with me to this day. Day by day I work to fight these feelings, and on most days I succeed. This is why my addiction existed, and this is why it still exists.
A week ago I decided to try my old addiction to see what would occur. I created a character in Dragonrealms and resumed my addiction. I wanted to see if I would still be addicted, or if I could control it. One week later, I decided I was still addicted, and do not possess the control required to separate game from real life. I found myself falling into the exact patterns I held before, mainly within my mind. While I did not play nearly as often, my mind was in the game at all times. The mind is where the addiction lives, as one begins to obsess on the addiction even when they are not near it. I found myself thinking about the game at all times of the day. Last night I decided to end my experiment and terminated my account. I realized, I am still an addict, and do not possess the control required to play this type of game.
Am I the same as I was? No, as I turned it off and walked away. Before I spent six long years in the game as opposed to a week. I decided to use this as a learning experience. In the next few years, I plan to conduct Internet Addiction Research studies and eventually create my own Internet Addiction Practice. My experiences as an Internet Addict will help those who still struggle with their addiction.
If you obsess about something within your life at all times, or feel something controls you, there is a high chance you are an addict. I suggest you talk to a licensed therapist to help you overcome your addiction. You do not need to be a slave to your addiction. As one who has an addiction, I can state this as fact.
About the author: Psychcomp is owned and maintained by Nathan Driskell, a recent graduate of Houston Baptist University’s Masters of Psychology program. Nathan has worked for the past five years creating and maintaining websites, and has experience managing small business networks.
Contact Nathan at the following locations:
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Tags: addiction, Internet, internet addiction
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