Have you ever had a dream so intense you thought you were awake? Have you ever seen hallucinations while on the verge of sleep? Have you ever woke up, and find you cannot move and are paralyzed? If so, you have experienced hypnagogia, and it can be very upsetting. It is not uncommon for the average person to experience these events once or twice in their lifetimes. However, some people experience these events often, and it can impact one’s daily life. Many people have never heard of hypnagogia, and cannot understand how an hallicunation can be so frightening. I understand all to well, I have had hypnagogia for most of my life.
My story begins when I was a teenager. I am not sure what age I was exactly when I started to see hallicunations on the verge of sleep. I cannot even remember the first one I had, it became common for me. I can tell you, most were often frightening, visual hallucinations of impending death. Often I would look across my bedroom and see a huge bat, 20 times the size of a normal bat, watching me. It would then charge at the bed, aiming for my throat. I often screamed, or shoot out of the bed onto the floor. This occurred once a week about for many years. Bats were the most common, however huge snakes often made appearances. 95% of the time, something was trying to kill me.
It was common for me, so I did not think much of it. I knew it was not normal, but I knew I could tell no one of the things I saw. I worried people may think I was crazy, and send me to a mental institution. For most of my life, these hallicunations did not impact my daily life, as I did not think much on them. All were visual hallucinatons, and none of them could really harm me. Or so I thought.
One night things changed for the worse. I was in my bed when my door was kicked in. Inside came a woman whom I did not know. She stood there for a moment, then pulled out a large knife. She then lunged at me, wanting to slit my throat. I grabbed her, trying to keep the knife away as she crashed on me. I did not know what was happening. I did not know who she was or why she wanted me dead. I could feel the knife at my throat, could feel her on top of me. We rolled onto the floor, her knife still aiming for my throat. It felt like an eternity. The next moment, she was gone, and I lay on the floor, stunned. I realized she was not real, and I had imagined the entire event. My door was shut, and was never forced open. I just had my first tactile hallucination. Now, I was scared.
I realized I had a problem, but I did not know what to do. I was around 16 at the time, in high school, and did not want to disrupt my life. I started to look into Psychology before this, and I started to think I may have Schizophrenia. I was in the age range it often is triggered, and hallucinations were very common. I became worried, and each time I had a hallucination, I wondered which one would finally trigger my insanity.
I told no one about these hallucinations, as I was embarrassed. I did not want to appear weak or crazy. My hallucinations increased, often with 2-3 a week. I ignored them and entered college. In my junior year I took abnormal psychology and we were discussing sleep disorders. I was reading the book in class when I came to the section on hypnagogia. The book stated hypnagogia is often characterized by hallucinations on the verge of sleep. Often these hallucinations were of a frightening nature. At times people would experience sleep paralysis, and could not move. This part did not apply to me, as I could always move. It was like a light bulb turned on, I felt this was it, I finally knew what was wrong with me.
Hypnagogia occurs when an individual enters into REM sleep while partially awake. REM (rapid eye movement) is the state of sleep where we dream. Most people do not enter into REM sleep minutes they begin sleeping, often it can take close to an hour to enter into this stage of sleep. Those who have hypnagogia enter REM much faster, thus they dream much quicker. However, when someone with hypnagogia dreams, it can occur while the brain is not completely uncontentious. When this occurs, the brain sends the dream to the senses, resulting in hallucinations. The most common types of halluciontions are visual and auditory, where tactile is extremely rare. I have never experienced a auditory hallucination, all but one of my hallucinations were visual.
The problem is there is no cure for hypnagogia. Those with hypnagogia learn to live with their disorder. To me, just learning what was wrong with me was a cure in itself. I was no longer worried I would become schizophrenic, and no longer focused on my hallucinations. After I learned I had hypnagogia, my hallucinations decreased. I also learned how to control them. I taught myself to turn on a light to stop the hallucination.
I even started to experience hallucinations that were not frightening. One evening as I lay in my bed, I looked into my closet. I saw a large, dancing plant, dancing to an unknown song. It looked like the plant in the image above. It danced away as I walked over to it. I knew it was an hallucination, and I found it to be quite funny. I watched the plant for over a minute dance away, as I wondered why I would hallucinate such a thing. The plant finally faded away, and I went back to sleep. It was the best hallucination I ever experienced.
To those who have never experienced a hallucination, consider yourselves fortunate. I have had people tell me, “just tell yourself it is not real, and it will not be!”. It’s not so easy to tell yourself a huge bat that lunges at your throat is not real. It is more logical to get out of the way and ask questions later. This is how a hallucination works, because it is real to the person experiencing it.
As I get older I do not experience hallucinations as often as I did in the past. I may experience an hallucination once a month at that. If you often experience hallucinations on the verge of sleep, then there is a good chance you have hypnagogia. Just knowing the problem can itself be a cure.
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